Complete the following sentences:
Being a good mom means . . .
Being strong means . . .
Financial responsibility means . . .
Taking care of myself means . . .
Maybe to you being a good mom means letting your children sleep with you. Or maybe it means never letting them sleep with you.
Maybe to you being strong means never asking for help. Or maybe it means asking for help when you need it.
Maybe to you financial responsibility means worrying about money. Or maybe it means being honest with yourself and partner about your financial situation.
Maybe to you taking care of yourself means writing, running, reading, going to yoga, hiring a coach, or working at a job you adore. Or maybe taking care of yourself means you’re wasting time or money or being selfish.
As a stay-at-home mom one of my rules was that being a good mom meant giving all of myself to the role, effectively martyring myself, yet honoring my fear-based values of altruism, commitment, duty, self-reliance, and hard work. (See Part II for an explanation of values.) After years of being less than my best self I re-wrote that rule. Now it says that being a good mom means doing whatever I damn well please to make me happy. And as it turns out, living by that rule doesn’t make me more selfish or alienate me from my kids or husband—it makes me more fulfilled, and our family more connected and peaceful.
In creating this one new rule I’m honoring three of my core conscious values: fulfillment, peace, and connection. Doing so keeps my mind from engaging in the time traveling (see Part I for an explanation) encouraged by the old, fear-based rule and fosters the presence inspired by conscious values and the rules we associate with them.
What rules do you have for yourself?
Which ones are aligned with your fear-based values?
Which are aligned with your conscious values?
What rules can you create that honor your conscious values and/or replace rules that honor your fear-based values?
This wraps up the 3-part series on presence, but it’s by no means the end of the conversation! If you’d like help creating more presence in your life schedule a complimentary session to see how coaching can help.