Rage amongst moms is seldom discussed yet is perhaps as common as crushed crackers on the floorboard. It’s raw, messy, impermissible, and unpredictable. You see yourself lose control. You watch the terror on your babies’ faces. You notice them withdraw from you or become more violent or more needy. And you don’t have a clue how to fix it.
Rest assured, you’re not bound to this demon for all eternity. You can overcome rage. And while there is no quick fix, you can get started by asking yourself these questions:
Leaving rage behind is hard. Why do you want to put yourself through it? What makes it so important to you right now?
2. What will my ideal, rage-free life look like?
What would you be doing? Who would you be with? Where would you be? How long or how often would you participate in a particular activity?
Go big here. Answer as though you have no limits. No matter what you come up with you’ll have a clear vision of something to aspire to.
3. What feelings will I have when I’m living out my rage-free vision?
Ultimately, what you’re striving for is a feeling. Describe it and try feeling it, as though you’re already free of rage and living your ideal life.
4. What sacrifices might I have to make to get what I want?
Change doesn’t come without sacrifice. Consider what you might need to do or not do to create a new way of being.
5. What are my thoughts and feelings about making these sacrifices?
Knowing your thoughts and feelings allows you to look at their affect on your commitment to change. It also gives you the opportunity to put a positive spin on sacrifice, so you see it as a friend rather than an enemy.
6. What obstacles might I face along the way?
What old habits or ways of thinking will you fall back on? Who will you encounter that challenges your ability to succeed? What difficulties will you have finding the time or energy you need to be successful? Recognizing what might stand in your way prepares you to find a way around it.
7. Who do I need to be to get past my obstacles?
Maybe you need to be courageous or driven or compassionate. Maybe you need to be the kind of person who gives herself permission to follow her intuition, think outside the box, or take care of her needs. It’s not about being someone other than who you are—it’s about digging deep, seeing that you already are who you need to be, and putting her to work.
8. What support do I need to live without rage?
Think of family members, friends, community organizations, support groups, household help, therapists, coaches, training programs, etc. that can provide encouragement, guidance, or assistance as you move forward.
9. How motivated am I to commit to overcoming rage?
Be real with yourself about your willingness to change. If you find that you aren’t totally motivated, ask yourself what it would take for you to become more driven.
10. What resistance do I have to committing to a rage-free life?
Maybe you’re worried that it will take too long or that you’ll fail or that no one will see how hard you’re trying. Observe your resistance and acknowledge what you need to do to work through it.
11. What am I willing to invest to be successful?
Time? Money? Energy? Vulnerability? You’ll need to put in something to get the results you’re so desperate for.
12. Considering the insights I gained from the previous questions, what can I do right now to start on the path to a rage-free life?
Nothing will change without action. You may take off running or crawl at a snail’s pace, it only matters that you’re in motion. So get to it. Do something. Anything. A happier you is waiting. Your kids are waiting.
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