So you’re suffering from failure to thrive, huh? You’ve found out just what happens when a mom always puts herself last. But why is it that so many smart, talented, capable, and loving women like you don’t take care of themselves?
Because they don’t have enough time, you say.
No, that’s not it either.
While time, energy, and money are the top excuses moms use for not taking care of themselves, beneath it all the #1 reason is fear.
Guilt. Taking your focus off your kids long enough to make yourself a priority seems like a recipe for damaging your kids—or for being judged.
Judgment. You know the thoughts you have about other moms. What if they were thinking the same things about you because of the way you chose to care for yourself?
Change. In many ways you’re quite comfy right where you are. You may not be happy, you may rage at your kids, but you’re familiar with the situation and leaving your comfort zone would make you feel out of control.
Losing control. You’ve created an image in your mind of how things should be. The thought of straying from it, of giving up some of your perceived power, makes you quite uncomfortable. What would happen if you abandoned your identity of mom-as-martyr? And how would your family cope?
Being resented. You worry that instead of supporting you your partner will resent you for doing something for yourself while his socks and kids need washing.
Losing your partner. In learning to take care of yourself you might discover that you don’t even want to be with your partner, or he might resent you to the point of leaving you.
Failure. You don’t know how to make the things you want happen. And what if you try and it doesn’t work out? What would happen then?
Not being worthy. You’ve been conditioned to believe that you aren’t worthy of care. You can’t begin to take action if you don’t think you’re worth the time, energy, money, honesty, or vulnerability you’ll need to invest to move forward.
Not being good enough. Here is where all the other fears converge. This thought is anchored in deep, isn’t it? You worry you aren’t good enough for your partner to love and support you no matter what, or good enough to succeed, or good enough as a mom, or good enough as a human being to deserve to take care of yourself.
You’re waiting for someone to give you the green light. To tell you it’s ok to do for you for once. Or maybe someone already has, yet you still stall. The fact is, no one can give you true permission but you.
Want help granting yourself permission? That’s what I’m here for. Schedule a complimentary session and see how coaching can help.
Coaching for moms